When
I decided to become a Buddhist monk many years ago, I was filled with
great aspirations, hopes, and delight. I completed my training as a
monk and began practicing Zen. After many years of effort, I attained
peace of mind and moved along the path of spiritual practice. However,
I felt no inner satisfaction and wondered if my master had been liberated
from life and death or was able to guide us along the path to liberation.
These thoughts made me confused in my practice, and after the master
passed away, I became totally lost. A spiritual practitioner suffers
the most when he does not have a firm belief in his practice.
To free
myself from these empty feelings, I went to stay in a temple and worshipped
sincerely and earnestly three times a day, and continued this practice
for twenty years. It became a habit, and I felt no boredom or dislike
for it. After expressing my heartfelt wish for the Truth through sincere
worship, I found it was easier to practice spiritually.
However,
after leading a normal life in the monastic order, I thought that as
a practitioner, I was too weak. I felt that I was a shame to the Buddhist
monks who seek the highest Truth. Throughout history, great practitioners
have attained the Truth through sincere practice, while ignoring physical
and other desires. I thought that I could not afford to waste a single
second, and went to a temple that was suitable for devoted worship.
I decided to chant and bow to the Buddhas in the ten directions for
seven days, and practiced four times a day. Each bow was full of my
deep wishes. My eagerness for the Truth increased day after day.
On the fourth
day, after finishing practice at 10 PM, I felt listless and could hardly
stand, but managed to get back to my room. In a half-awakened state,
I saw the room shine with a brilliant light, and an old monk appeared
and told me, "Recite the holy name of the Quan Yin Bodhisattva.
Then you will get the Buddha's blessings." When I became fully
awakened, I noticed that I was lying on my back and staring up at the
ceiling. My extreme fatigue had vanished, and I felt light, comfortable,
and fully recharged. All my drowsiness had gone. Thanks to the inner
delight and appreciation I was experiencing, I practiced very sincerely
for the remaining three days. I felt very light and happy on the way
down from the mountain.
