Through Master's grace, I recently experienced a positive realization after being initiated for three and a half years. Previously, my meditation sessions had been difficult and frustrating, leaving me feeling empty even though my outer life was brilliant and fun. During this period I had not felt especially drawn to visit Master, but now this feeling has changed and I am sure that if it is God's will an opportunity to do so will arise.
During my early years as an initiate, I realized my attitude had to change but was lazy, unproductive and arrogant. My ego caused me to be critical, superficial and insincere. Eventually my condition affected me profoundly and I began to feel terrible, being disturbed and angry that I was wasting the God-given gift of initiation after living many empty lifetimes. I was unwilling to read Master's magazines and watch Her videos. However, I gradually came to understand that this attitude merely reflected an attachment to my lower self, of which I had to let go in order to regain my True Self through contemplation of the Sound Stream.
Once I realized this, I decided to claim my "divine inheritance" and things began to change. Suddenly I felt the most valuable Gift from Master, which filled me with new energy, openness and joy.
Like the prodigal son, I once was lost but then was found. Master recovered me and surrounded me with Her love, grace, forgiveness and mercy, and life is different now. I feel fully committed to my spiritual practice and see that to get more I have to give more. If I take one step toward Master, She will take three steps toward me. It's that simple!
I have infinite blessings from Master and everything I experience feels more meaningful. I feel a greater sense of purpose and trust in my daily affairs, and life is more relaxing. I have new energy, resolve and confidence, and am now determined to be with Master as much as possible. Also, I now recite the Holy Names during the day on beach walks, while cooking and even while driving. I am filled with a new determination to experience God-realization.
Master's love and mercy are everywhere I go and I feel as though my blindness has been cured. One cannot see if one refuses to see. The negative power can be very active in my life at times, trying to widen a hairline fracture into a crack and a crack into a chasm. But all is well now. I am stronger than ever, as my faith is solid and I anticipate a radiant future. I prostrate myself at Master's feet in humility and unconditional surrender so as to bathe in divine grace should this be God's will for me. By myself I can do nothing; it is only in Master's Name that all is possible. I now see this as the Truth. The following lines express my newfound attitude.
When You call me I will come,
When You order me away I will go.
Wherever You are, there I am.
When You withdraw Your Self from me,
I cease to exist.
Thy will be done!
